Saturday, August 12, 2006
10:58 PM
i thought i could be strong...then everything came crashing down. i realise - that i'm only human after all. no tears were shed. nope...not even a drop. no trickling. no sobs. i expected the expected. so, it wasn't that unexpected after all. i guess most of my classmates thought that i would cry, especially after they learnt that both jolene and ying fang had As. Evan cried even though she said she wouldn't. There was laughter, sheer exasperation, disappointment, emotions of all sorts. i was numbed - but i did not know whether it was due to disappointment or disbelief. it can make you, but it can also break you. now, i feel as though i've been shattered into a thousand and one pieces, and regardless of whether i get fixed with the passing of time, i am certain that an unexplainable emptiness will continue to linger on in my heart. my brother said that i was merely overreacting...and that the elder siblings of his peers were exhilarated when they realised that they had achieved a b3. i dread this grade. but i dread myself even more. who's to blame for my present predicament? myself. and that's for not trying hard enough. thank you to all those for believing in my ability to excel, but i apologise because i've let all of you down. dun worry wan yin, your head will remain intact. and to those whom i asked to bring barrels for me to...because there were no tears, i guess we'll have to reserve those for another day. and to marcus...I'm sorry but that A continues to be non-existent...maybe until after my second try. Marion, be strong and don't cry. we can't win all the time. you were there to catch my tears. let me catch yours now. we can start a conservation project together and open a reservoir. haha. and for that candle, hope. for as long as it still shines. believe. it can make a difference. you can be that difference. so we faltered once, but we picked ourselves up and cleanse the gashes. it's not the end. in fact, it's the start of a new beginning. a beginning that we write and an end that burns bright. Rmb, it's not up to anyone else to make you give your best. Though many a time, our best may not seem enough. But at least we tried...and to our parents, I trust that it was enough. (:
