Thursday, December 07, 2006
9:28 AM
rise and shine! it's a thursday morning! (:ahha. i had a peculiar dream about someone whom i've buried deep in my heart. (wondering why i didn't opt for cremation?! hah. my heart is definitely not suffering from land scarcity. ((: and fond memories are meant for remembering.)at age 12, he was like my sky. damn, i can't believe i said this. but girls are known to mature much earlier than guys. hah. and for the first 2 yrs of my secondary sch life, i strived to attend vj partly because of him. sounds dumb; but love is blind. so blind. with time, everything just faded away. these days, i'm numbed to such things (that's why i always say that i wun even haf a chance to be left on the shelf. why? coz i was never on it in the first place. haha. in too bad a condition to even be on display.)but dreams can be so unpredictable. God knows why i even dreamnt of him in the first place. i knew that nothing would come out of this the very first time we met. but he was a great friend with a great sense of humour. haha. and a entertainer of all sorts as well. we used to play "who wants to be a millionaire" underneath our tables during lesson times. and we almost never got caught; but when we did, he stood up for me anyway. you see how moved my heart was. and i was only 11 then. i recall one occassion when i went to his house with another classmate for a group project. upon fulfilling the task, we decided on a game of badminton. 2 against 1 (my friend and i against him). and being a sucker at badminton at that time, i did the unthinkable or should i say totally unavoidable - i slapped his chest wif my racket accidentally. ouch. but it was really amusing. hah. no broken bones!then as the feelings began to grow overwhelming, i thought of sharing some of it with him. perhaps that was one wrong move made and everything began crumbling down. in one day, i lost a friend to talk to and gained an arch foe. wow. see my prowess. i really do know how to scare people away. i also found out that he liked someone else in class. but no hard feelings; in fact, she was a really nice choice. but that was short-lived because she departed for the US subsequently. i endured an entire year of teasing after that. the power of rumour; but it was true anyway, at least on my part. i chased him along corridors every single morning. hah. and enjoyed a sudden improvement in stamina in P6. but the 1.6km timing reeked all the same! apparently, i wasn't aware of how fast i should haf ran. i even walked during those 4 rounds and chatted merrily with a classmate. when i came to cedar, my timings for both the 1.6km and 2.4km run were the same! and it was not good at all! totally demoralizing.i speculated for a very long time, not knowing whether he ever did feel a thing for me. some people said he did. but they never truly knew. and neither did i. i wanted to ask him about it when we graduated that very year, but i never found the courage to do so. but ignorance can be blissful at times as the truth always possesses a tendency to slam you right in the face. it's sad that even after 4 long years, i still feel as though something is missing in my life. what was his answer? that one word i yearned so much to hear (YES/NO lah!). ahh! anyway, i still wun get my answer even though i feel really brave now. no vj for first 1 and 1/2 mths. but there's still something called a telephone and a number called home that i can dial. nahh! no way! i know the repercussions. not sweet at all! aiyo! ok. shall pray very hard that my O'level results are flying with many nice colours! to be frank, i've already braced myself for extremely good results, not taking into consideration of the fact that i screwed phy and bio prac, left the SS paper incomplete, forgot to mention calcium silicate and the test for chlorides in chem paper, spelt mr. sim wong hoo's name wrongly for eng compo, wrote "yan yu" as "ci yu" for chi letter writing, used ke=1/2mv^2 instead of e=mc^2 for nuclear fission reaction in phy paper, and etc etc mistakes. remarkable, right? thou shall not lament. :'(ahh. yesh! 1 more week to malacca trip! this time next week, i'll be on the bus there! yay! and i haf abt 2 hrs more to work. can smell more atsu atsu! yay! im such a sucker for curry! for fear not arteries, i am too poor to be able to afford a plate of atsu atsu. so that means that you are all safe from cholesterol and artery-clogging fatty foods. maybe it's just my wishful thinking. i hope not!the sky is caving in. it's going to rain! bon voyage, wan yin and mil mil! oh crap! and i just rmbed, one more week to the release of the PAE posting results. ok, tj or aj, aj or tj. fullstop, i wun settle for more or less, so pls fulfill this simple wish of an easily-contented person. ((:Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side
goodbye justin.
